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NotCoD Dev Blog 04: A Study of the Dev

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Wednesday March 9th

Day 11 studying the Dev

12pm

Our planet may be home to 30 million different species of animals and plants but none are so intriguing as the “Dev”. Especially when the Devs partake in the ritual of sitting in a room, not talking to each other staring at a screen and occasionally congratulating each other.

 

12:30

I have spent weeks allowing the Devs to acclimatise to my presence in their natural habitat. I think they have finally accepted me. The Devs are communicating in a language that I have not yet grasped. Many of the words are lost in translation or are understood but not in the order they are spoken. I must spend more time trying to learn their language. First word to learn: ‘juggernog’.

13:00

One of the Devs I am studying just mentioned beer. I was excited to finally understand their language, imagine the disappointment when I realised this was a word I knew being used out of context.  Again.

13:30

I believe they are talking about their natural enemy; the zombie. From what I can understand these Devs are experienced fighters. They have many weapons and have used these for ‘headshots’ I must be careful not to anger these Devs.

The Dev's mortal enemy; terrifying isn't it?
The Dev’s mortal enemy; terrifying isn’t it?

13:45

I have learned that once again I do not fully understand their communication methods. Their mortal enemies are hidden within the screen and are in fact not real. I fear for my life less now that I know they have no real weapons. It is interesting that even these primal beings follow the universally accepted rule that the weak get left behind. Even in these “video games.” They have tried to convince me (in a language I barely understand) that these “video games” are work. I am not convinced.

14:00

I am definitely not convinced. I am not sure Devs work. I think from my observations the word work means something completely different in their language. Their ‘work’ involves “f***ing Zombies” and rigorous thumb exercise. One of the Devs, going by the name of Jay, is not comfortable with this ritual and seems to be lamenting times past when he would be able to defeat these zombies on the correct “platform.” I am not sure I will ever understand their language.

gamer-copyright2
The Dev in his natural habitat

14:30

I am convinced they do not understand my language either. They just called dogs, Imps. I don’t think they are equipped to live outside their niche environment. They would get confused.

15:00

The Devs are now talking about a giant penis gun that shoots sperm. I wish I could say this was lost in translation however, it appears they actually want a penis gun to be real. Poor Devs.

15:30

The devs are very set in their ways. It seems they do not like change. How do I know this? they have said many times they do not like change. However they seem to get excited by the idea of animating some testicles… I believe for a game as part of their ‘work.’ They are a strange bunch. I think it would take a lifetime of careful study to even begin to understand them.

15:50

They are now doing strange accents. I think it is supposed to be German. Perhaps they are a mimicry species?

16:32

Things have gone quiet with the Devs, they are all staring at screens; perhaps this is the key to controlling them? They seem to be hypnotised by the bright lights.

16:42

They are now talking about mapping giant testicles. Sometimes I wish I had less understanding of their language.

16:55

It seems the Devs have a very primitive form of communication: cave drawings. And by cave I mean giant paper. And by drawings I mean indistinguishable squiggles.

A real drawing by our Devs
A real drawing by our Devs

17:18

I think they are now just throwing words out that have no meaning to confuse me. For sport.

17:55

I have seriously misjudged the Dev species; they are planning a birthday party for zombies, the eternally misunderstood villains and their mortal enemies. It seems Devs are a caring bunch. More observation is needed.

18:19

The Devs are shouting out how many zombies they have killed, my understanding is this is a badge of honour for them, as they try to assert their alpha male status.. I’m not sure it will help.

18:45

I’m glad my work is studying the Dev instead of working with the Dev; it would be impossible to get anything done in this office. They like to either play loud “video games” or loud “music.” That is why they must stay shut away in this small office. Away from the rest of the world.

19:00

I hope to continue my study of the Dev. I think I will need many more years to study them before I can fully understand their language and ways. But it has been a hard day of study so I shall find a darkened room to calm my nerves. Filled with wine.

Sarah